Friday, November 11, 2005

All it´s missing is dried fish on a stick

Joy of joys the new IKEA catalogue has arrived. I know it´s pathetic. It´s an addiction. I can´t control it.

Hello, my name is DrJ and I´m an IKEA addict.

That Swedish design. The bright colours. The little Allen key screws. I´m getting shivers just writing about it.

Last night came the small Christmas edition. I would add it it too my pile of IKEA catalogues but, get this, I THREW THEM OUT. I was trying to move on, get over my reliance on the thick books that lived permanently next to the television. To stop leafing through them, rearranging our apartment in my head, repeating the soothing sounds of BEKVÄM, GRUNDTAL, UTSAGA.

So now all I have are the pathetic remainders that get sent out for the seasons. Summer´s bedroom. Spring´s kitchen. And now Winter´s Christmas Wonderland.

40 pages of IKEA shopping bliss with all you could need for the holidays. Even the freaky looking moustachioed Swedish guy cutting up tablecloths on page 6 could do nothing to diminish the thrills that were running up my spine as I started turning the pages slowly, revelling in the clear lines, the sharp edges.

I found the first necessity on page 9. Who could think of celebrating Christmas without a JULEN straw figure in the shape of a reindeer? Better yet, skip ahead to page 21 and there are the coordinating paper serviettes, completer with an artists impression of the selfsame reindeer. Really, what Christmas dinner table could call itself complete without these?

Hang on, page 24! The complete TABLO kitchen arrangement now 60% off! We definitely need a new kitchen, my love. Really. I can use the old one as a desk. Complete with a handy sink that I can put the harddrive in so it doesn´t take up space. See?

Hold the phone. What´s this? Page 33. ANNAS diy gingerbread house. All the pieces you need, just stick it together. That´s a must. I wonder if it uses those Allen key screws?

This isn´t going to work. 7 pages later and it´s over. My IKEA catalogue was just too small. It was a teaser. A let´s get her all worked up and leave her hanging. Where´s the satisfaction? The closure of reaching the monthly deals and maps to your closest location? The handy index?

I wonder if I can get the old ones on Ebay.

1 comment:

Tom Thumb said...

Yeah, we got into the whole ikea thing when when setup house. We bought chairs, desks and bookshelves. Sadly after 6 months of occasional use, the foam in the cushions of the USD$130 a piece chairs had shunk to half it thickness making the hideously uncomfortable. The stitching pulled apart at the seems the first time we washed the covers, and the list goes on...

Stuff from Ikea is nice the first day, but don't expect them to look any good after a couple of weeks of normal use. Absolute cheap, shitty materials that DO NOT last.

Buying off ebay... The stuff falls to bits after a couple weeks. Can't imagine how it'll go being disassembled shipped and re-assembled.

Oh, and don't get me started on the tremedous cost to the envirnoment that those multi-hundred page full gloss catalogues have...

Oh, and the way you have to walk through the entire store like a childs amusement ride. The ikea maze, having to go past everything available in the store...

This is one disgruntled EX ikea buyer!