Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Missing, presumed... missing

The Ted is missing.

The horrible-ugly-home-to-numerous-diseases-I´ve-
spent-my-life-building-up-immunity-to-and-hey-if-they´re-
still-looking-for-samples-of-the-1918-Spanish-flu-I-can-
probably-supply-them Alien Ted is not here.

I thought I had misplaced him in all the boxes here from Heidelberg. That I´d find him wrapped up in an old t-shirt in the suitcase or perhaps jammed in among the CDs in the mislabelled book box. At a stretch even nestled next to the Nori in the kitchen box. But all my searches were in vain.

Until I received a phone call this evening from my father-in-law.

"Could it be that you left..ahhh...ummm...perhaps a teddy bear here?"

A number of you are probably now thinking I thought this was a grown woman, what the hell is this teddy bear crap? Should I bother ever reading this blog again? so I will take this opportunity to introduce you to my teddy bear and why he is still around after 30 years.

Ted came into my life on the first day of it. There´s even a photo of him and I, me all scrunched-up-red-faced and him all pink-soft-fluffily-furred. I´d show it now as evidence of how good he looked then and how I haven´t really changed that much, but it´s buried in a box in my grandmothers garage half a world away. Are you beginning to feel that too much of my life is spent with moving boxes because I SURE AS HELL AM.

There came a period in my life where I had little to do with him, having passed him over for the much more hip rag doll that no 4 year old girl could be without. I mean, there was NO WAY I could hold my head up in playgroup with a pink fluffy TEDDY BEAR. It didn´t even have a dress you could pull over it´s head. That was just SOOO NOT RAD.

I´m not really sure when he put in an appearance again. But by my early teenage years he was back, gracing my pillow on the rare occurences when I made my bed, lying forlornly on the floor next to it for the other 363 days of the year. That´s not to say I didn´t take him to bed every night. It´s just that he rarely survived the tossing and turning. So I would sleep with him in front of me (I sleep on my side) and rabbit behind me- rabbit being another soft toy which I stole from my Mum, who I believe stole it from an Easter present for my sister, but I´m not sure.

The reason for this far too childish activity was that I had nightmares. And by that I don´t mean bad-dreams-about-spiders but NIGHTMARES of the bodies-folded-like-
shirts-in-car-trunks-can´t-wake-myself-up-but-I-can-hear-Mum-
talking-to-me-why-can´t-I-wake-up-oh-hell-i-can´t-breathe-
help-me-help-me variety. In fact I still have these quite often but have learnt to wake myself up by wiggling my big toe. Don´t know that trick? Try it the next time you feel like your unconscious mind is trying to swallow you whole. It really helps.

So now I don´t need protective stuffed animals to fall asleep, but after so many years of co-sleeping I had developed a sleeping position which INCLUDED Ted, where I lie semi on my side, semi on my stomach and he´s jammed under my ribcage, thereby holding my back at just the right angle. Without him I wake up feeling like my back has been pulled in three different directions all night and it takes an hour before I can walk properly again and breathe without wanting to cry.

I´ve tried replacing him with assorted pillows, even DrH´s childhood stuffed toy rabbit, but they don´t work. Not only are they the wrong shape, but it´s almost impossible to completely reproduce the firm yet still somehow soft quality of toy stuffing that´s been subject to 30 years of compaction.

So he´s an orthopaedic necessity alright? Ergonomic and all that. You got a problem wi´that?

And tonight he´s in the post, coming back so I can sleep again.

1 comment:

Bugsy said...

Phew - so glad he is okay and winging his way back to you. I threw my birth teddy out of the pram and when I questioned at age 7 why I didn't have a birth teddy, my father promptly bought me a small ugly orange and white bear with fluff coming out his ears. I still have it to this day.