Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Introducing the New Winter Olympics

Did anyone else feel that the Ice Dancing competition last night was a little dull? Of course, Bravo to the Russians for taking home another skating gold and all, but where was the passion? Where was the Torvill and Dean crowd roaring, floor thumping emotion? The routine that would cause a stampede if it was it´s football equivalent? In the first round we had that wonderful moment of falling Italians, complete with THE LOOK.

Man was he just SO GOING TO GET IT. Trust the Italians to bring in the emotional moment which brings tears to the eyes, if only in wincing sympathy.

So last night, by the time the French came out with their Venice Carnival theme, complete with quilted jackets and ruffles, not even the gloves painted as masks could revive the lifeless competition. I found myself praying they´d fall, slip or lose their underwear. Unfortunately it wasn´t to be and instead I yawned my way to bed.

Which is why, lying there at 1.30am, knowing full well I had to be up in five hours my overactive imagination and overinflated ego was planning my Olympic Ice Dancing debut. One to startle the judges and dazzle the audience. One to break the norms of Ice Dancing. One that wouldn´t include ruffles.

My partner and I would enter the ice, calf length black leather cloaks and sunglasses on. Clubbed to Death – the kuriyama mix would start and we´d begin a slow routine dancing around and with each other, incorporating the occasional martial arts move. As the music steps up in pace and the heavy bass takes over we glide into Caipoiera moves. We begin spinning, his blades flicking over my head as I swing my own under his feet. In our Ice Dance of Death our feet are weapons, the speed increasing until we are a blur of flying leather and singing steel.

As the music builds up to it´s peak we´ve seperated, staring across the distance of the ice rink at each other. A few low, preparative Caipoiera ground steps set the scene and we start towards each other, speed increasing, expression serious. At full speed near the center of the rink we launch, flying through the air to grab each other around the shoulders. Our momentum causes us to spin, legs flying out behind us. As gravity takes hold we crash to the ground, equally defeated. The fight is over.

Now THAT is what Ice Dancing needs.


Tom said...

No... Ice dancing needs to END. It's absoute crap.

The winter olympic coverage in the States has been appalling. Well, it'd be ok if all you wanted to watch was figure skating, curling and ice hockey. I thought the winter olymics had skiing and snowboarding events as well... Maybe that's the "other" winter olympics.

I thought it couldn't get any worse, every f*&king variety of figure skating, mes, womens, singles, doubles... I thought it had to end soon, but no! Ice dancing, are you serious?

Piece of shit "sport" that needs to end... painfully.

Anonymous said...

The vision you paint DrJ of black leather and clashing metal on the ice in a battle with DrH is scary. I could imagine that DrH and Leon, the wonder dog, may manage it with ease, being native to Europe. But really an Aussie born spinning ice ballerina is not the DrJ that I know so well!!!! Your vision reads more like a chapter in a novel, now there's a realistic idea for a DrJ looking for a challenge!!!