Friday, February 17, 2006

The one where I swear too much

This morning I went to the beautician around the corner for a bit of unwanted hair removal. Nothing big and fancy, just a few stray annoying ones marring my perfect beauty.

For those Germans in the audience, that was irony.

So I decided to remove them in a permanent manner with needle epilation. In case you are unaware of this particular technique it requires putting a thin needle into the hair follicle and sending a brief bzzzzt of electricity down it to kill the hair follicle. Sounds simple, sounds quick and I knew a girl in highschool who had her entire lip done that way.

OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Now I am no stranger to pain. I suffer headaches and migraines with amazing regularity, my back is so painful and tight you could play squash off it and let´s not even start with period pain. Okay, only briefly, just to say that it is of the magnitude that would bring down entire armies. Empaths have reported shockwaves from it as far as Botswana and I can count at least half a dozen times when I have fainted from it and a dozen more where I´ve been left a screaming, blubbering mess. Oh, and how about my knees – those genetically mutated knee caps which have destroyed all cartilage and grown spurs so that sitting down on a chair has become an event the whole family can listen to. So this should have been no problem.

OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

After about 10 minutes of this treatment I was crying, tears streaming down my face like they haven´t since watching Dead Poets Society at the age of fifteen. When it was finally over it took another 5 minutes before I could stop, and walking home I was still sobbing softly. I´m sure our garbage man thinks my dog´s just died. Yet it doesn´t seem to be over as my own personal torturer-Marquis-de-Sade-beautician has assured me that once won´t be enough and I´ll have to go back, probably several times.

OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, was thinking about getting the ole back-crack-n-sack done in the same fashion... I guess you're advising against it?

Megan said...

Crap, I thought about getting this done, too. Since I'm a huge wuss with pain, I think it might kill me. Guess I need to find a new way of getting rid of those few darn chin hairs!