Monday, March 20, 2006

1 Room, 1 Bathroom, 1 Bar. Location: Berlin, Germany

Yo, wassup Internets? I´m DrJ from Alien Ted, and this here´s me crib.

If ya´ll just follow me, this here´s the front entrance to da House, man. Here´s the letterboxes from all the other flats. Check out the marble walls, man. Yeah these were installed, like, two years ago to give it that sophisticated European look. Forget that the damn builder guys were cutting up marble outside my bedroom every morning at 6am. But looks good, ´ey?

So just through here´s the courtyard. Nice planting´s, bit of a shrubbery feel to it. The downstairs neighbour keeps it going so´s her cats can come down and pee all through it. Some friendly neighbour even put one o´these here seats here so´s one can sit and, like, chill of an evening next to the dumpsters. Cool, man.

So in this side entrance goes up to the flat. These used to be the flats for the servants and stuff, so the doors and stairs aren´t as big as in the front house. Come on up a few flights, don´t mind the open door – Hey Frau Schmidt, man how´s it hanging?- Yeah, she leaves it open so´s her cats can go up and down and scare the living shit out of my dog. Yeah, scary fucking Tom cat, one is.

Here it is casa de DrJ. Front Hall, yeah not much room, mind the mic there. One the left is this door into the kitchen. Cosy place and handily set out so´s anything ya need is within reach. Doesn´t really fit two people in standing up, but we can do it in shifts. And ´cause it´s expected – the fridge. Umm yeah it´s a bar fridge. Freezer section is full of lung and heart and shit for the dog and we´ve got here, oh look! Some old curry…should throw that out I guess.

Anyway if you´ll just look up a bit you´ll see this balcony into the kitchen. That´s the spare bedroom which is built in the roof section of the hall. It´s pretty funky. Come through I´ll show ya the rest.

Bathroom. Hmm a bit small. Doesn´t fit a tub in, but the shower´s pretty good. Has, like, water and stuff.

The lounge. This here´s me bar where I serve drinks. Yeah me and the DrH a pretty partial to sharing a Shandy of an evening. Party hard that´s our motto. Yeah, the corner was a bit useless and so´s I thought, I thought here let´s build a bar and so´s all me friends came around with a hammer and a bottle and we built it, like. Worked out pretty good I thought and doesn´t fall over much at all.

Above there is the mezzanine that goes through to the spare bed. I can stand up there, but it´s pretty low. The previous owner built all this in cause of the really high ceilings. Up there´s me desk. It´s a bit iffy ´cause the desktop´s not screwed down and I´ve almost pushed it over the edge a few times.

The other mezzanine over there´s got the bedroom. Yeah . Where all the magic happens. Heh. Yeah. Magic. Heh. The big hole in the floor is so´s you can open the window. Can be a bit dangerous if you´re drunk tring to get up there. We can´t actually stand up up there, it´s a bit too much like Being John Malkovich´s 7 ½th floor, but then who needs to stand up in the bedroom? Yeah. Heh.

Well I think you´ve seen it all now. The whole one room. Yeah. Glad ya could drop by ´cause we´re gonna move outta here now. Somewhere with two rooms. Hell, maybe we´ll blow out and get three. Yeah. But now it´s time for yáll to leave so bugger off now. There ya go. Seeya. No really. Bye.

Leon, if they don´t piss off, sic em.

1 comment:

Claire said...

I cannot decide if you sound more like Shaq or Snoop Dogg during MTV Cribs. You should add pictures! Does your neigbohr really let out the cats? Even with the whole Bird Flu?

PS I wanted to let you know that I am adding a link to you on my blog!