Saturday, May 28, 2011

home alone

DrH departed this morning for a week of getting down and dirty in New Orleans with a bunch of other scientists. They're totally going to set the place on fire. I mean, I saw the jackets he packed and there ain't no pin stripe in there. There's a bit of check, but no pin stripe. No siree, it's going to be PAR-TY for the geeks in Louisiana this week.

What that means is that I get free reign here for a week and, boy, am I going to put that to good use. Just look at me start today... I slept late, baked scones and finished two novels. I've a bit of derby tonight, but then tomorrow I'm planning on embroidery, cups of tea and cleaning the front hall.

I'm telling you, if my twenty-three year old self could only look at the life I'm living.... well, I'm sure she'd roll her eyes in disgust. At somepoint in the last ten years or so it seems I've become middle aged.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


After my wonderful discovery while Down Under that osteopathy does more for fixing up my neck than orthopaedie, physiotherapie and chiropractie (I'm going for the -ie thing here) do, I hunted out one near here. A few weeks ago an osteo listened to my tale of woe, pushed some fingers into my buttcheeks to straighten my hips; poked around my neck; wiggled fingers at the top of my head and on my lower spine; and massaged out an apparently sticky kidney.

For a fortnight, I had no headache.

To most people who are, I assume, normal, I probably need to emphasise that. I HAD NO HEADACHE. Not one. Not a scrap of tension in my neck or head. No pain in my eyes. No clenched jaw. I had the ability to concentrate on something for longer than thirty seven seconds.

I stopped wanting to smash my head through a wall to try and relieve the pain.

I can't believe most of the world manages to get up every morning, go through their day, and go to bed WITHOUT a headache. The idea was preposterous. Ridiculous! No pain? No, that can't be!

But the last two weeks I lived like that and it was heaven. I cannot believe how easy it is to do basic tasks when your frontal lobe isn't trying tunnel its way out through your forehead. With a very blunt spoon.

However, last weekend we were away and that was enough to cause me to screw it all up while asleep. For the last two days, my old enemy has been keeping me company again. So tomorrow lunch I have an appointment with a woman to stick her fingers in my buttcheeks, wiggle around my neck and massage my sticky kidney. I want to feel that no-pain high.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

working title

So this life thing that's started kicking me in quite a freakishly disturbing, not to mention entirely distracting, way is due for a name at some point. Up until last week I had given it the working title of Hieronymous Rex because, well, Hieronymous is just cool and Rex matches with it so well.

Go on, try it out. See? It just rolls off the tongue.

But that went out the window when we found out last week that it is missing certain dangly bits of anatomy. So I've switched to Hieronymous Roxie. Which is nowhere near as cool, and I've a feeling the Hieronymous might be dropped at some point. This greatly disappoints me.

Now, as this piece of life will be getting my surname, DrH has dibs on coming up with her given names. He's currently working on ways to put VW into the name (Veronica Wanda? Vanessa Willow?) and even asking if we could perhaps give it a new surname such as Wie, so it can then be Frau Wie.

That's a joke that only works if you know how VW is pronounced in German. And even then it's a pretty poor one.

Then one of his VW friends suggested that Westphalia would be a pretty nice sounding girls name and he's pushing that agenda at the moment.

Thank goodness I retained veto rights.

Monday, May 16, 2011

giving in

So I've thrown my hands in the air and done it. Given in to one of the two mega-companies in the field BECAUSE PUBLISHERS HAVE LEFT ME NO CHOICE.

Except, y'know, for downloading all their books for free. Which I could do. But which I haven't. Because, y'know, I want to see authors get paid so they put more shit out for me to read.

See that Mr Publisher? I wish to give you money for books EVEN THOUGH I can get most of them for free. What was your reason for DRM again?

But I tell you, I don't think publishers care that much about selling books, considering how mother-fricking-arse-difficult they make it to buy one of their books if you are a) not living in the US of bloody A and b) haven't sold yourself over to one of the two mega-companies in the field.

So I did it. I gave in. I ordered a Kindle. Hopefully, I will now read books again. And hopefully in the future I will continue to be able to access the books I bought even though the company has gone belly-up in the meantime and the hardware and apps no longer exist.

I just wish I didn't feel like I need to take a shower now.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

picket fences and singaporean naps

So a fortnight in Oz and I've said nothing about it. Basically it can be described in two words: KIDS and PROPERTY.

The first because that's what we were surrounded by most of the time and the second because that seems to be the primary topic of conversation. Which probably makes them this years DrJs-Notable-Aussie-Trend-Which-Didn't-Exist-Last-Year, although it is more likely due to the age group I currently find myself in than any culture-wide phenomenon.

So, in fairness I shall instead declare Drinking Ciders That Aren't Strongbow to be the 2011 DNATWDELY (while admitting I saw this last year as well), joining the 2010 winner: Abusing Red Heads With Terms I'd Never Heard Before; and 2008's: Drinking Only New Zealand Sav Blanc Even If Before You Were A Dedicated Red Wine Lover.

Week One was family, involving DrH weasling his way into the nieces and nephews hearts by being "such a good drawerer", winning over five year old girls with ballerinas and fairies and four year old boys with flying robots and sharks. Even I was surprised at his skill with a half-dried-out texta, but then again, I've never really requested such accomplishments from him myself. Mr Cluckyness also attached himself quite firmly to our youngest niece, a fifteen month old with an almost permanent grin, who had him wrapped around her little finger.

Speaking of my other half, when not doting on young 'uns, he spent a vast amount of time hunting out Bulli's to photograph. For those not yet up on the news, we bought a second VW bus last year as restoring the first was going to be too expensive. Of course, this hasn't turned out easy either and he has the whole thing documented on his very own blog. Go on over, it'll make his day.

Meanwhile, Week Two was mostly dedicated to catching up with friends, which required a certain amount of timetabling skill. To those I missed this time, I'm really sorry, but time was tight and I managed to run myself down quite badly as it was. I'm not yet used to getting exhausted this easily.

The flight home was a bastard, with an eight hour wait in Singapore. This time we were smart and parted with $55sin per head to get a slumberette, a shower and a hot breakfast. While I didn't sleep soundly (the paranoid part of my brain worried about missing my flight and woke me up every hour), it was well worth it. Even for just a two-hour layover, a shower for $8 is heaven, and I'm yet to have less than a five-hour wait when returning from Australia through Changi.

Important note: take ear plugs. The slumberettes are in enclosed (but not locked) spaces in a general area. It's quiet, but you do get snoring. Of course, I don't understand how anyone travels anywhere without ear plugs and eye mask and this would be my Travel Tip Number One. Followed closely by Travel Tip Number Two which is: Make sure you travel with a loving partner so you can sprawl as much over their seat as possible as well.